Burned Out Daughter / Local programs
Aging Ahead's Family Caregiver Support Program: what it covers, who qualifies, the number to call, and the city's separate door
Aging Ahead is the Area Agency on Aging for St. Louis County and three neighbours, and it runs a program built for you. Here is what its own pages say it can do, the number to call, and what to say when someone answers.
hours, eight of them funded respite. The program below is one way that gold gets drawn.
If you have been told to "call Aging Ahead" and have no idea what the Aging Ahead family caregiver program actually does for someone like you, this page is the plain version, taken from the organisation's own pages rather than from a brochure. It is a funded program run by the Area Agency on Aging for St. Louis County and three neighbours, built for unpaid caregivers, and the right first call for most daughters in the metro who have never asked anyone for anything.
What Aging Ahead is
Every county in Missouri sits inside one Area Agency on Aging. The state health department says Missouri has 10 Area Agencies on Aging that cover every county, and its Senior Resource Line at 1-800-235-5503 connects callers to their local agency after they enter a ZIP code. Aging Ahead is the one for this side of the river. In its own description it is one of 10 Area Agencies on Aging in Missouri and has provided supportive services in St. Louis, St. Charles, Franklin, and Jefferson counties since 1973 for adults 60 and older, including Meals on Wheels, senior centers, caregiving services, and community options consulting. Ballwin, Chesterfield, Eureka, Glencoe, Grover, Valley Park and Pacific are all inside those four counties. The City of St. Louis is not, and has its own agency, covered further down.
The Family Caregiver Support Program, in Aging Ahead's own words
Aging Ahead's caregiver page says the program gives caregivers access to information, resources, connections, and direct services for both the care receiver and the caregiver. Then it lists what "direct services" can mean, and every item is something you are currently doing or buying yourself. Opportunities for support to unpaid caregivers may include, as funding permits, in-home respite, adult day services, durable medical equipment, minor home safety modifications, and incontinence and nutritional supplies. The page tells you to reach its Community Options Specialists and Case Managers at (636) 207-0847.
In-home respite is the line this whole site is about: a person in her house for a block of hours while you are off. Adult day is the line that makes a part time job possible. Supplies are the line that stops a month's grocery money going on products nobody talks about. Minor home safety modifications are the grab bar you have meant to install for a year. Ask about all five.
Who qualifies?
Aging Ahead's page does not print a detailed eligibility list, so this page will not invent one. What can be said is where the money comes from. The program is Aging Ahead's local version of the federal National Family Caregiver Support Program, which the Administration for Community Living says serves family caregivers providing care to individuals 60 years of age and older, adult family members or other informal caregivers providing care to individuals of any age with Alzheimer's disease and related disorders, and older relatives who are not parents, age 55 and older, providing care to children. If your mother is over 60, or has a dementia diagnosis at any age, you are the kind of caregiver the program was written for. The specialist on the phone will ask the rest.
What does "as funding permits" mean for me?
It means the program is real and finite. Aging Ahead says the supports "may include" those services, "as funding permits," and that is honest language you should take at face value: there may be a wait, there may be a limit on hours, and what is available in October may not be what was available in March. The right question is not "am I eligible" but "what is available right now for someone in my situation, and what is the wait for the rest." If the respite hours do not stretch as far as your week needs, or while an application moves, private non-medical hours fill the same slot; the first four hours page covers that door, and the paid placement below is one company that sells them.
The city's separate door
If your mother's address is inside the City of St. Louis, Aging Ahead is the wrong call, through no fault of anyone's. The city's Area Agency on Aging is the St. Louis desk for older adults whose homes sit inside city limits, and its number is (314) 612-5918. The same federal program funds caregiver support there; ask for it by the same name.
The state program if the diagnosis is dementia
Missouri runs a separate program on top of the Area Agencies, and it is easy to miss because it is not run by them. The Missouri Caregiver Program supports caregivers of persons with Alzheimer's disease and related dementias through education, respite care relief and assistive technology, and is administered through a contract with Community Asset Builders, reachable at (573) 415-7343, or through the department's Senior Programs staff at (573) 526-4542. Its relief component is described as financial assistance toward respite. If a clinician has diagnosed dementia, make this the second call after Aging Ahead.
What do I say when someone answers?
"I need help" gives a specialist nothing to work with. Say four things instead. "I am the unpaid caregiver for my mother, who is 88 and lives with me in Ballwin." "I left my job to do this and I have not had a day off in over a year." "I am calling about the Family Caregiver Support Program, and I want to ask about in-home respite, adult day, and supplies." "What is available now, and what has a wait?" Then let them ask. Have her date of birth, her address, and a rough list of what she needs help with within reach. You do not need her diagnosis in front of you, and you should not read her medication list to anyone on a first call.
The national doors behind the local one
For a parent outside its four counties, two federal doors lead to the same place. The Eldercare Locator answers at 1-800-677-1116 by phone or text message and connects you to the agency for any address in the country. And the National Institute on Aging points caregivers to the ARCH National Respite Locator Service, which helps family caregivers find respite services in their state and local area, including state-sponsored programs, adult day centers and services for veterans.
What the program is not
It is not run by any company on this site. Aging Ahead is a public agency and the paid placement below is a private company that sells hours; the two are separate. The program is also not medical. In-home respite through it is a person in the house for routine, meals and supervision. Nothing about it changes her medications or her care plan, and the durable medical equipment line is help getting equipment, not a prescription for it.
What to do tonight
- Check her address against the four counties. County, call (636) 207-0847. City, call (314) 612-5918. Elsewhere, 1-800-235-5503.
- Write the four sentences above on a card, with her date of birth and address, so tomorrow's call takes five minutes to start.
- If a clinician has diagnosed dementia, add (573) 415-7343 as the second call.
- Decide what you would do with eight hours of in-home respite a week, so that when they ask, you have an answer.
When to ask the care team or the doctor
Two lines on Aging Ahead's list touch on clinical territory, and the doctor should be in the loop on both. Durable medical equipment, such as a hospital bed or a lift, is chosen for a medical reason, so ask her doctor what she needs before you ask the program to help obtain it; the program can help with the equipment, not with the decision. And if adult day services are on the table, ask the care team whether there is anything about her condition that changes what a day program has to be able to do. The program's specialists will ask about her needs; the answers should come from her clinicians, not from a guess.