You are probably typing some version of this at 2am: can I just take time off, or do I have to quit? Those are two different decisions with two different sets of terms, and most people find out what the terms are only after they have already said yes. You are allowed to ask the questions first. The answers may be no to some of them, and that is useful information too.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
Ask whether the leave is protected or only allowed
Time off your manager approves informally is not the same as time off your job is required to hold open. The U.S. Department of Labor publishes a plain-language overview of the federal Family and Medical Leave Act, including who qualifies, which employers are covered, and what the eligibility rules are for hours worked and length of service. Many states and some employers have their own rules on top of that. Read the overview, then ask HR a direct question: which leave policy applies to me, and is my time off counted under it? If the answer is we will work with you, ask them to name the policy in writing.
Ask what paperwork they need and who completes it. Many leave requests require a form filled out by a health care provider, and the employer's deadline for returning it can be short. The form is their document to send and your job to track. Ask for the exact form, the deadline, and whether the leave can run at the same time as any other leave you have.
Ask what happens to benefits and seniority
Ask what stops and what continues while you are away. Specifically: does your health coverage continue, and if so, what part of the premium is yours to pay and on what date? Do retirement contributions continue? Does paid time off keep accruing? Does your length of service keep counting for raises and future leave eligibility? Ask for a written summary of each answer, not a phone call you have to remember later.
Compare the three options on one sheet
Most people in your position are weighing three paths: full leave with a return date, a reduced schedule or set remote days, or resigning with an understanding that you can be rehired. Write each one in its own short block and fill in the same five lines for each. What is the return date? Can it be extended, and who decides? What does my position look like when I come back? What is written down about this? What do I lose if I choose this path and the parent's needs change in six months?
The reduced schedule option is the one people skip, and it is often the one the employer can approve fastest. Ask whether a fixed set of days or hours is possible, and ask for the approval to be documented as a schedule arrangement, not a verbal okay that depends on whoever is managing the team this quarter.
Before you resign, check rehire and payout rules
If resigning is on the table, ask two questions before you submit anything. Is the company open to rehiring you, and under what conditions? And what happens to any unused paid time off when you leave: is it paid out, rolled over, or forfeited? Check the written policy for both, because the answers are often in the handbook and not in the conversation with your boss.
Keep one document and name the person who answered
Put every answer in one document. Write the date you asked, the name of the person who answered, and the policy they pointed you to. If the answers are unclear, send a short follow-up email that restates what you think they said and asks them to correct anything that is wrong. You do not have to decide the same day. A clear written answer is worth more than a fast verbal yes.
If the job question is tangled up with the rest of the caregiving plan, the local resources listed on Local Help for Caregivers in St. Louis can help you sort the next step. For a fuller explanation of how this site builds its guides, see How We Write.