You found someone your mother likes. She is available when you need her. You are ready to put her on the calendar and finally leave the house.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Pause before you call this a private arrangement and start handing over cash. The question is not only whether this person can care for your parent. The question is whether you are willing to become her employer.

You are allowed to say no to that job.

First, find out who would actually employ the worker

An agency can send a caregiver without necessarily being the caregiver's employer. Some businesses operate as referral registries or matching services. They introduce you to a worker, then leave hiring, payroll and supervision with the family.

Ask one blunt question: "Whose name appears as the employer on the worker's tax forms?"

If the answer is your name, your parent's name or "the family," keep asking. Who verifies employment eligibility? Who tracks hours? Who handles payroll taxes? Who provides workers' compensation coverage? Who responds if the worker is injured in the home? Who finds a replacement when she cannot come?

Do not accept "we take care of everything" as an answer. Ask for the responsibilities in writing.

A private caregiver may be your employee even if she calls herself a contractor

The label on an agreement does not settle the question. The IRS says a household worker is generally an employee when the household controls not only what work is done, but how it is done. That can include choosing the schedule, assigning tasks, providing supplies and directing the worker's routine. Part-time work and hourly payment do not automatically change that.

If you hire directly, check the IRS Household Employer's Tax Guide before the first payment. It explains worker classification, employment eligibility records, wage records and the circumstances that trigger federal employment tax filings. Thresholds and forms can change, so check the current instructions instead of copying a number from an old caregiver forum.

Missouri household employers may also have state unemployment reporting duties. The Missouri Department of Labor and Industrial Relations publishes the applicable test. Ask a payroll provider or tax preparer whether it will handle both federal and Missouri requirements, and ask exactly which filings remain yours.

Decide whether you want to run payroll yourself

Doing payroll yourself means more than recording the amount you paid. Your system may need to track the worker's legal name, address, taxpayer information, hours, gross wages, deductions, reimbursements and payment dates. You also need a place to keep employment and tax records.

A household payroll service can take over much of that paperwork without choosing or supervising the caregiver. Before hiring one, ask:

Does the service determine worker classification, or only process the classification I provide? Does it prepare federal and Missouri filings? Does it produce wage statements? Does it calculate overtime? Does it handle a worker who serves more than one household? What happens when employment ends? Who answers a notice from a tax agency?

If you do not understand what the service excludes, you do not yet know what you are buying.

Write down what counts as work

A caregiver's shift does not become unpaid because your parent is asleep, watching television or sitting through an appointment. The U.S. Department of Labor says domestic service workers must generally be paid for time they are required to remain on duty. Special rules can apply to sleep time, live-in work, waiting and travel.

Define the shift before it starts. List the start and end time, meal arrangements, errands, appointment travel, overnight expectations and what the worker should do when your parent rests. Decide how the worker records extra time when your return is late.

This is also where you name the job. "Stay with Mom" is not a task list. Write whether the worker may help with bathing, toileting, transfers, meals, medication reminders, driving, pets, laundry or housekeeping. Ask the worker what she will not do. Put those limits where both of you can see them.

Screening is a task, not a feeling

A warm interview is not a background check. In Missouri, the Department of Health and Senior Services operates the Family Care Safety Registry, which provides background information for eligible caregiving employment relationships. Ask whether the worker is registered and how you can request a screening as a prospective employer.

A registry result is one part of hiring. Also verify identity, call references yourself, inspect any license or certification the worker says she holds, and confirm driving credentials if transportation is part of the job. Ask each reference what duties the person performed, how attendance was handled and whether the reference would hire her again.

Tell the applicant what you will check. Do not ask her to text sensitive identification documents to your ordinary phone.

Compare responsibility, not just the caregiver

Direct hiring may give you more control over who enters the home, what the routine looks like and whether the same person returns. It also means you may be the scheduler, supervisor, payroll contact and emergency replacement desk.

An agency may carry more of those jobs, but you need to verify which ones. Ask whether the agency employs the caregiver, conducts the screening, provides insurance, supervises performance and sends a substitute. Ask whether you may decline a substitute, whether the worker can drive your parent, how schedule changes are handled and whom you call when the office is closed.

Then compare the two arrangements on one sheet of paper. Use rows for employer identity, screening, payroll, insurance, supervision, replacement coverage, transportation, task limits, schedule changes and complaints. Write a name beside every responsibility. A blank box belongs to you, whether anyone says so or not.

You can choose a middle path

You do not have to manage every employer duty yourself or surrender every hiring decision to an agency. You can recruit the worker and use a household payroll service. You can use an agency for regular coverage and keep a separately screened backup. You can ask a care manager or caregiver program to help you define the role before you interview anyone.

If you are in the St. Louis area, start with the options listed in Local Help for Caregivers in St. Louis, including Aging Ahead's caregiver program. Ask what help is available for respite planning, caregiver screening and backup coverage. Eligibility and available services can differ, so ask what applies to your county and situation.

Make the decision you can keep operating

Choose direct hire if you want the control and can name who will handle employer duties. Choose an agency if you need someone else to own staffing, payroll and supervision, after confirming that it truly does. Choose a payroll service if the caregiver is right but the paperwork is not yours to carry.

Your break is not supposed to create another unpaid management job you cannot sustain. Before the first shift, get the employer question answered, assign every duty and write down what happens when the scheduled person cannot come.

The public agencies referenced here include the IRS, the U.S. Department of Labor, the Missouri Department of Labor and Industrial Relations, and the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services. See the site's Sources page for the public-source trail.