You are about to bring your parent into your house, and somewhere in the planning you may have stopped asking the questions that tell you whether it can work. Ask them now, out loud, with everyone who will live with the arrangement. Write the answers down. A move that feels fine in the abstract often breaks on a detail nobody checked.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Who has signed what, and who holds the copies

Before anything moves, find out whether your parent already has a signed power of attorney or a health care proxy, and who holds the original and the copies. If nothing is signed, that is a question for a lawyer in your state, not for a forum or a neighbor. Then write down who makes the everyday calls in the house: meals, visitors, the thermostat, and when a hired helper starts or leaves.

Walk the route at night

Turn the lights off and walk the path from your parent's bed to the bathroom. Count the steps, note every threshold and rug edge, and check whether the bathroom door can be opened from the outside in an emergency. If a walker or wheelchair will be used, measure the doorways on that route before the furniture is moved in.

What your own space gives up

List the rooms you will lose. Write down the hours each week you need to be alone, the room you sleep in, and where your children or partner go when they need privacy. If the honest answer is that you have no private hours left, that number goes into the plan. Do not plan around your parent's comfort alone and hope your own needs fit into the gaps.

The money that changes

Name each monthly cost that rises when someone moves in: food, utilities, any hired help, and any change to your insurance or lease. Ask your parent's bank or pension office which income continues and which documents you will need to see. Then ask the question most people skip: what does your parent's income cover, and what does it not?

The exit, written before the move

You do not have to decide the exit today. You do have to have one on paper. Write down the signs that the arrangement is no longer working for either of you, the person you will call first when that happens, and where your parent could go if the house is no longer the right place. A written exit lets you make the call calmly rather than in the middle of a crisis.

Questions to ask before anything is signed

  • Does your parent agree to this move in their own words, not just by going along with it?
  • Who else will be in the house in the evening, and who has a key?
  • What happens on the first bad night, and who do you call?
  • Which family member has the final say when two of you disagree?
  • Which doctor and pharmacy will the family use, and who makes those appointments?

If you are in the St. Louis area and do not know where to start with those answers, the local help page lists the places people usually call first. You are allowed to take the time to ask these questions before you say yes.